Tuesday, January 4, 2011
his wormhole
Whoa, the feeling that comes with remembering her has caught him again. Now and then he gets close enough to be pulled. It's not so remarkable…it is in him, but its workings are way beyond him. Still, the thought of mending fences dangles before him, keeping his eyes defocused and resting on fuzzy colors. In a moment he has gone a great distance toward the place where her words I'll never forgive you collapsed.
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This is really pretty. The last line, especially, is so physically evocative. I like how the passivity of the character, his helplessness, is emphasized: "to be pulled", "its workings are way beyond him". This is a very accurate picture of experiencing a crushing memory.
ReplyDelete"His wormhole" sounds evocative of...well, a butthole. That might be something to think about: the title scares me a little, because I think I'm about to read about something that might be a little gross.
The "mending fences" sentence throws me off a little. I'm not sure how it fits with the other things that are happening in the piece. Maybe it's that this is the only visual moment in an otherwise physically evocative piece. Also, I have no backstory yet, so to me, mending fences doesn't answer any questions that I have.
All in all, though, graceful and elegant.