Friday, December 10, 2010
where the ocean begins
Walking on the beach was almost too much. My feet slid all ways on the dry sand on my sandals, and there was too much give under each step. A gouge in my heel was absolutely screaming. The sun damage on my nose gave it a maddening glow. I was too casual in my preparations to spend a whole day at this unforgiving place. Where was I anyway? I scanned, and it looked like drinking and horseshoes were the things to do. Speaking of horseshoes, I had tried the water until a horseshoe crab jabbed its tail into my heel. I don't even know if they do that, and I didn't see it happen, but later I saw a horseshoe crab on the beach and it looked like a devil. Maybe I was in South Carolina, where the beach is long and flat, and the water is warm enough to make you unsure of where your bodily fluids end and the oceans begins.
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I like this a lot: the pace is really nice and the textures are strong. I want it to get more bold: to be definitely in South Carolina instead of maybe, and to use a more offensive term than "bodily fluids" as you close the piece. The feelk of this piece is so vivid; I think that you should troll it for vague phrases like "sun damage" and replace them with phrases that match the feel of the rest of the setting. Those vague phrases are like cloudy spots in this bright, clear setting because I can't visualize them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the above, including that I liked it a lot.
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